Tory / DUP meeting in CHAOS as Boris keeps coughing ‘resign’

A meeting between leading Conservative and DUP politicians in Downing Street had to be suspended this morning after witnesses confirmed that Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson kept looking...

Any chance you could all just stop twatting around and start running the fucking...

A number of people across Britain have now called upon the government to just stop twatting around and start running the fucking country again.  Southend-based voter Bill Thomas,...

Busy mum sheds HALF HER BODY WEIGHT with one simple trick

A busy mum of three from Southend has been talking about her remarkable weight-loss journey that has seen her shed more than half of her body weight...

Downing Street warned ‘NO FEEDING AFTER MIDNIGHT’ as Michael Gove returns to cabinet

A spokesperson for Downing Street has confirmed that all staff have been warned to stop feeding ministers after midnight after it was confirmed that Michael Gove has...

BREAKTHROUGH in Tory/DUP negotiations as national anthem changed to YMCA by The Village People

According to senior sources within Westminster, there has been a major breakthrough overnight between leading Conservative and DUP politicians in Belfast as a provisional majority government deal...

A13 and A127 to be made ONE-WAY to ease congestion around Essex and M25

A Southend News Network investigation has led to the discovery that there are plans in place to make the A127 and the A13 ONE-WAY in order to...

Used to play the game where you ring doorbells and run off? Royal Mail...

Royal Mail have just launched a huge recruitment drive in Essex, and it could be the career move that you have been waiting for! Postal Logistical Service Delivery...

LARRY THE CAT promoted to Chief Advisor after Theresa May’s two senior advisers quit

A Downing Street spokesperson has confirmed that Larry The Cat has been promoted to Chief Advisor after two senior members of Theresa May's staff stood down this...

Campaigner wants # and @ BANNED during Ramadan as they look like waffles and...

A leading diversity campaigner has launched a campaign to get the '#' and '@' symbols banned during Ramadan as they look like waffles and Danish pastries.  According to...

First Conservative/DUP meeting ends in confusion as nobody can understand what anyone is saying

The first meeting of the majority government between senior Conservative and DUP figures has ended in confusion after nobody was able to understand what anyone else was...