New IKEA store construction delayed as builders discover Allen key is missing

Construction work on a new IKEA store in Southend On Sea, Essex has been put on hold after building staff working on the site discovered that an...

Which Love Island contestant is no longer sticking his penis into another Love Island...

Social media has gone into meltdown today after it was revealed that a contestant on Love Island is no longer inserting his penis into another contestant on...

ANGER as online shop opens selling HORSE BURKAS

Members of the public have reacted with anger after an online store opened selling HORSE BURKAS and a number of other items of religious clothing aimed at...

Tiger switches to vegan diet and complains that they are ‘a bit chewy’

A tiger from Canewdon in Essex has been talking to Southend News Network about his decision to switch to a vegan diet.  Jeremy Esso, a 7 year old...

Blair delighted as £20 note named ‘THE VINGTER’ in tribute to UK’s time in...

A spokesperson for the Bank of England has confirmed that the new £20 note that is due to enter circulation in Spring 2019 will be nicknamed 'THE...

Comic Sans font to be CRIMINALISED in Britain from March 2018

A bill has been passed in Parliament that will CRIMINALISE the use of the Comic Sans font from 1st March 2018. The Comic Sans Font Prohibition Act 2017...

Far-right group CANADA FIRST falls for our Bikini Beach Ban story

Our blatantly made-up story from 2016 about Southend beaches banning bikinis for 'cultural reasons' seems to kick-off again every month or so - mainly because there are...

Southend mum describes ordeal after spotting someone who looks A BIT FOREIGN

A 23-year-old mum of three from Southend has been describing her ordeal to Southend News Network after she was on the High Street with her children and...

Arsenal set to land NEYMAR after last minute £198,000,001 bid

A source has revealed that Arsenal could be set to pull off the transfer of the summer after Arsène Wenger submitted a £198,000,001 bid for striker Neymar...

BBC adds permanent ARABIC SUBTITLES to Eastenders to help refugees ‘settle in’

A spokesperson for the BBC has confirmed that all episodes of Eastenders will be transmitted with Arabic subtitles from October 2017. The corporation hopes that this will allow...