BREAKING: Army moves onto Canvey Island to restore order after independence bid

It has been confirmed that a number of armed units from Her Majesty's Forces have been deployed to Canvey Island to restore order after a week of...

Apple Watch owners discover activity tracker can be fooled by masturbating

Hundreds of Apple Watch 3 owners have reported that the device’s built-in activity tracker can be fooled by masturbating.  According to one user on the Apple Forums called...

Polish woman has newborn baby REPOSSESSED by NHS after she forgets passport and utility...

A Polish woman has had her newborn baby repossessed by midwives at an Essex hospital after she forgot to take her passport and a utility bill to...

Castle Point Mayor to Canvey Island: ‘OK then. Off you fuck.’

Reacting to the news that there are growing calls for the island of Canvey to 'declare independence' from their mainland overlords of Castle Point Borough Council, the...

Canvey independence referendum SCRAPPED as nobody on island can spell ‘referendum’

A referendum to decide whether or not Canvey Island should break away from the United Kingdom and become an independent state has been scrapped after it was...

A FAKE Southend News Network story just made it into the DAILY MAIL

If you have been reading a recent Daily Mail article about Canvey Island in Essex wanting 'independence' while thinking 'I'm sure I have read that before somewhere,'...

Craggy Island EVACUATED as Hurricane Ophelia approaches mainland Ireland

A spokesperson for the Irish Disaster Emergency Committee has confirmed that Craggy Island has been evacuated as a precaution before Hurricane Ophelia arrives later today.  Some members of...

Desperate ISIS generals forced to recruit on Gumtree and LinkedIn

Desperate ISIS generals have been forced to recruit on Gumtree and LinkedIn after their traditional radicalisation methods have become ineffective in recent months.  According to one anonymous source,...

WATCH: 2017 Queen’s Christmas Speech includes plea in French to EU to STOP BREXIT

Her Majesty The Queen has recorded her Christmas Day Message that will be broadcast on December 25th 2017, and it includes a passionate plea in French for EU leaders in...

World’s biggest c*nt ‘incredibly angry’ after someone calls him a ‘Hunt’ by accident

The world’s biggest c*nt Nigel McSmith from Southend On Sea in Essex has admitted that he is ‘angry beyond belief’ after a member of the public accidentally...