SHAME FOR CORBYN as source confirms Labour leader ‘had curry’ with SKELETOR in 1991

A new scandal is set to engulf Jeremy Corbyn's general election campaign today as it has emerged that the Labour candidate 'had a curry' with Skeletor in...

George Lucas signs £700m deal to turn ARGOS CATALOGUE into movie trilogy

The famed movie mogul George Lucas has signed a £700m deal to turn the Spring/Summer 2017 Argos catalogue into a movie trilogy. It has also been confirmed that...

Far-right protestors STORM BBC demanding to know what RASTAMOUSE is doing about ISIS

A spokesperson for the BBC has confirmed that a security breach is now 'under control' after a group of far-right protestors stormed into Broadcasting House in Shepherd's...

Expectant mother announces on Facebook that she is a little bit more pregnant than...

An expectant mother from Southend has announced on Facebook that she is a little bit more pregnant than yesterday.  In a further shock development, sources close to 25-year-old...

Research shows white van drivers and spanners share 98% of DNA

Pioneering new research from the University of East Southchurch has revealed that white van drivers and spanners share 98% of their DNA.  2500 white Ford Transit owners from...

New GAME OF THRONES to include plot subtitles for ‘frustrated’ ESSEX viewers

Sky Atlantic has announced that the new series of Game of Thrones will include plot explanation subtitles for viewers in Essex. According to a spokesperson, the move...

You may be shocked to learn that THIS IS A F*CKING SOAP OPERA and...

It may come as a complete and utter shock to you that the current 400-year storyline about Bethany Platt in Coronation Street isn't actually a real thing. This...

MASSIVE COMPUTER GLITCH gives some young voters registering TEN VOTES in general election

A number of newly-registered voters have contacted Southend News Network this evening to say that a glitch has led to them being allocated TEN VOTES in the...

Judge refuses to send girl to prison as she is ‘fit as f**k’

A judge presiding over a case of armed robbery at Southend Crown Court has ruled that a guilty defendant cannot be sent to prison as she is...

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall in PANIC as gasman visits home

A spokesperson for UKIP has confirmed that there was an 'incident' at the home of party leader Paul Nuttall on Friday after a local gasman called at...