Donald Trump bans TRANSFORMERS from serving in the US Army

The President of the United States Donald Trump has announced that Transformers will not be allowed to serve in the US Army with immediate effect.  Speaking at the...

LETHAL WEAPON 5 to hit cinemas in 2019

A spokesperson for Warner Bros. has confirmed that Lethal Weapon 5 will be hitting cinema screens in Summer 2019. Speculation has been rife since the two actors were...

Vinnie Jones claims he was actually filming FOX CPR COMMERCIAL

The ex-footballer and movie star Vinnie Jones has taken to Twitter this evening to deny that he was responsible for shooting a number of foxes in spite...

Radio station fined by Ofcom for not playing DESPACITO every 17 fucking seconds

A radio station in Essex has been fined by Ofcom for not playing Despacito by Luis Fonsi every seventeen fucking seconds.  According to documents that we have seen,...

Southend accent named as Britain’s most effective contraceptive

A spokesperson for the British Association of Clinical Clinicians has confirmed that the Southend accent is now statistically Britain's most effective contraceptive.  Dr Bruarz Drup was in charge...

SHOCK PHOTOS show that the Moon is DISINTEGRATING

Shocking photos have emerged showing 'significant erosion damage' on The Moon, with experts at NASA blaming a combination of escaped greenhouse gases and gravitational issues for the...

Britain’s Brexit bill slashed to ZERO after late night poker game in Brussels

A spokesperson for Britain's Department for Brexit has confirmed that our final bill for exiting the European Union has been slashed to ZERO as a result of...

BREAKING: Huge search operation underway as Canvey Island goes missing

Police in Essex have confirmed that a huge search operation is underway after Canvey Island was reported missing at around 9pm on Thursday evening. A police helicopter is...

BREAKING: South Essex NHS bosses confirm that downgrading A&E’s is FUCKING MENTAL

A spokesperson for the South Essex Hospital Coalition has confirmed that bosses were 'probably on crack' when they came up with the idea of downgrading Southend and...

OUTRAGE at the BBC as Gordon The Gopher is still on £600k per year

A spokesperson for the BBC has confirmed that there will be an immediate investigation after a report revealed that Gordon The Gopher is still earning £600,000 per...