CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR £5 NOTE IS WORTH £5.00
After analysing your £5 note’s serial number carefully, analysing online auctions on all of the major buying and selling platforms, and cross-referencing your details with the online Worthy Note Vault of the Bank of England, we can confirm that your £5 note is worth FIVE FUCKING POUNDS because that’s how money works you greedy, deluded fool.
You may also be amazed to learn that the £1 coin in your pocket is worth 100 of your English pennies – this is EXACTLY twice the amount of a 50p coin. Did you have an accident at work that wasn’t your fault? Of course you didn’t. It was your fucking fault, no matter what some man in a Matalan suit tells you halfway through the break on Jeremy Kyle.
Maybe your £5 note is worth more than £5, and we can help you sell it. Get in touch with us now for a no-obligation quotation, and we will send you a Parker pen set just for enquiring. If we get enough interest, we may even get Gloria Hunniford to present our commercial.